Scotland

So they've gone off again. Scotland this time. All the bloody way to the Highlands in that van of theirs. I can just imagine the sort of sordid things they get up to in there as well - drinking wine and eating chocolate until it comes out of their ears and then lying in that made up bed, farting and snoring till the sun comes up. Actually, now I think about it, that's sounds pretty much like what normally happens here at the weekends. So why go off to Scotland and leave me behind???

The one they call Lucy who owns that red boat next door has been invited to stay and look after me and to be fair to her she's doing a fairly decent job of it. She's good at making a fuss and food is always presented when I demand it. But if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times - what gives them the right to go off and have a good time without me. Especially all the way up there!!! And can you just imagine the lummox wearing a kilt? Ugh! It's enough to put me off my Dreamies. As for a sporran - don't even go there!

Scotland! Pfffff!

P x

Mozzy

It really is choice and quite funny to see. Funny, and somewhat grotesque. The Lummox has been bitten in the leg by some winged creature and it has turned septic. You ought to see him limping around like some doddering old man, wincing and moaning in infected pain. But I ask you, what a nancing great jessy of a man he is. One little bite from a mosquito and you'd think he was on his way to the emergency ward. I've sat and watched him rubbing cream on it and filling his system with anti-biotics. Pathetic. Do I pfaff about like that when I get a flea bite? Do I buggery! No, a quick scratch and I'm on my way (although they will insist on squirting that stuff on the back of my beautiful neck every month).

Normally, I enjoy chasing winged insects around the roof of my boat and mauling them but I think, on the balance of things, I may just leave them alone for a while because of the good laugh they've given me on this occasion.

P x