I've been a poorly Pixie lately so apologies to all my many, many fans out there on the world-inter-wide-net-web for the lack of posts. Normal service will now be resumed!
Thank you
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Beauty
It's not easy staying this gorgeous.
It takes a lot of time and effort. Firstly there's my beauty sleep, approximately 8 hours a day, not including night time when I jump on and off the bed and jostle with the lummox for the right hand side of the mattress. Ange is far more cooperative with the other side. It can get annoying because after all it is my bed and they're only borrowing it.
Then there is the matter of eating only the finest cat food money can buy. I'll refuse cheap shite every time and will not assail my guts with such offal. My luxurious fur is a testimony to this fact.
After that comes my exercise regime. This involves chasing mice, chasing sooty and snowy, jumping noisily around the roof of my boat whilst the humans sleep and climbing whatever I like whenever I like.
Add to all this the rolling around in dust and ash and lolling around in front of the fire and it all adds up to me. Pixie - the most stunning thing you ever saw.
It takes a lot of time and effort. Firstly there's my beauty sleep, approximately 8 hours a day, not including night time when I jump on and off the bed and jostle with the lummox for the right hand side of the mattress. Ange is far more cooperative with the other side. It can get annoying because after all it is my bed and they're only borrowing it.
Then there is the matter of eating only the finest cat food money can buy. I'll refuse cheap shite every time and will not assail my guts with such offal. My luxurious fur is a testimony to this fact.
After that comes my exercise regime. This involves chasing mice, chasing sooty and snowy, jumping noisily around the roof of my boat whilst the humans sleep and climbing whatever I like whenever I like.
Add to all this the rolling around in dust and ash and lolling around in front of the fire and it all adds up to me. Pixie - the most stunning thing you ever saw.
Friday, 12 July 2013
Cream
I had cream for breakfast yesterday. Cream! All well and good I hear you say but what about today? No cream this morning and they can consider themselves unacceptable those humans. Teasing me with cream one day and then nothing the next. Am I not worth the price of a container of cream every day? I'm not going to be too fussy about it either. It doesn't have to be the finest clotted cream from Cornwall or anything, although naturally it really ought to be. No, I will happily slum it and put up with your basic single cream from the local deli-cat-essen (see what I did there!).
Apparently, and to top it all, this particular cream upon which I breakfasted was left over from some spicy food that they prepared for themselves the night before. Left overs!!! They couldn't even be arsed to buy me my own container of cream but instead poured out the stuff they didn't want. I'm affronted. Affronted, disgusted and frankly a little dismayed in them and it was with an indignant air of begrudgement that I lapped it up.
And I suppose, if truth be known, I shall have to wait until they manufacture spicy food again before I am treated to cream once more. But I'll tell you one thing, if they even dream about giving me Elmlea or any of those other cream wannabe's then they shall rue the day.
P x
Apparently, and to top it all, this particular cream upon which I breakfasted was left over from some spicy food that they prepared for themselves the night before. Left overs!!! They couldn't even be arsed to buy me my own container of cream but instead poured out the stuff they didn't want. I'm affronted. Affronted, disgusted and frankly a little dismayed in them and it was with an indignant air of begrudgement that I lapped it up.
And I suppose, if truth be known, I shall have to wait until they manufacture spicy food again before I am treated to cream once more. But I'll tell you one thing, if they even dream about giving me Elmlea or any of those other cream wannabe's then they shall rue the day.
P x
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Interlopers
My boat, my mooring, my rules
And the sooner Snowy understands that then the better off we'll all be. You see, he's taken to wandering around the place at all hours. In and out of the boat, up and down the mooring. He even has the temerity to eat my food when my back is turned. And what do the humans do? They 'ooh' and 'aah' at him like it's all just fine simply because he's still technically a kitten.
Well I won't stand for it.
Why only the other day I was forced to give him a short, sharp shock as he tried to scuttle away from me across the mooring. I caught him with a fierce couple of paws. A swift right hander to his lughole followed by a hefty left that sent him speeding back to the safety of the cottage in no time. That put his tail firmly betwixt his legs I can tell you.
Some days, especially if it's too hot, I tolerate his presence as that seems to please the humans and only cements my reputation as the most gorgeous one around here. But woe betide if he gets too close and if he ever gets on my bed again... I'll have him. The only other people I allow on there are Ange and Al and that's just because they feed me - A favour for a favour and all that.
And as for that Stella...
One of these days...
And the sooner Snowy understands that then the better off we'll all be. You see, he's taken to wandering around the place at all hours. In and out of the boat, up and down the mooring. He even has the temerity to eat my food when my back is turned. And what do the humans do? They 'ooh' and 'aah' at him like it's all just fine simply because he's still technically a kitten.
Well I won't stand for it.
Why only the other day I was forced to give him a short, sharp shock as he tried to scuttle away from me across the mooring. I caught him with a fierce couple of paws. A swift right hander to his lughole followed by a hefty left that sent him speeding back to the safety of the cottage in no time. That put his tail firmly betwixt his legs I can tell you.
Some days, especially if it's too hot, I tolerate his presence as that seems to please the humans and only cements my reputation as the most gorgeous one around here. But woe betide if he gets too close and if he ever gets on my bed again... I'll have him. The only other people I allow on there are Ange and Al and that's just because they feed me - A favour for a favour and all that.
And as for that Stella...
One of these days...
Saturday, 6 July 2013
Whitby
How very dare they!!!
Home alone, that’s what I’ve been. Abandoned, forgotten and
uncared for. Left to my own devices and forced to live in what is tantamount to squalour. ME!!! Pixie Poo Poo!!!
They packed a bag and buggered off for a jolly to Whitby.
You should have seen them – laughing and joking like they didn’t have a care in
the world. All they could think about was poncing around the seaside
whilst I had to look after my boat all on my own. Good God they’ll have me
emptying my own litter tray next.
Well sod ‘em!
I’ll teach them not to treat me in such a shabby fashion and
have embarked on a campaign of constant mouse catching and in leaving said mice
outside the bathroom door for them to find in the morning. Let’s see how the
redhead and the lummox like that. Leave me alone overnight will you? At your
peril my friends, at your peril.
Oh sure, they instructed the one they call Becky to feed me
and to be fair to her she did well enough, a little more fuss would have been
better but for now she’ll hold my favour, but those other two… they shall know the
wrath of Pixie Poo Poo.
In time I shall forgive them of course. I’m not a cat to
hold a grudge but it’s going to take a lot more than the box of Whiskas
Casserole Selection they returned with to smooth over the cracks in this one. Whitby indeed!!!
Sunday, 30 June 2013
Food
During our enforced, unnecessary and frankly ignominious incarceration at Howarth Cat Rescue my brother and I had to content ourselves with whatever fayre was presented to us. As you will no doubt surmise this ranged through the whole gamut of cheaper end cat food. I understand of course that the poor things were doing their best to provide a substantial meal but please, to think that I, Pixie Poo Poo should have to resort to such measures. Well, it simply doesn't bear the proverbial.
Then, one day (I believe it was a Sunday) some people arrived and after much simpering and mauling on their behalf my brother and decided that they should be allowed to take us from that place. To be fair to them, they did and here I am now on my own boat. But, can you imagine my horror when on the journey to Dowley Gap they stopped off at Aldi. ALDI! Of All places! Not Marks and Sparks but Aldi for crying out loud. I let it go at the time as I was in a rather cramped position in a basket (oh the humiliation). The man went into the shop whilst the woman - Ange remained in the car to simper some more at us. When we finally arrived at my boat I was incensed to notice that he had purchased a brand of cat food known as Vitacat. Vita-bloody-cat! I ask you. Again, to keep the peace, I let it go and gradually, over time, they learned to correctly provide us with Whiskas.
That all sounds well and good doesn't it but I'm a discerning cat with a sophisticated palate and well, (I'll just cut to the chase here), I'm bored of Bite 'n' Chew now and have registered this in the strongest possible manner. So I was quite excited when they returned from a foraging expedition on Friday with a new and shiny looking container with which they looked rather pleased with themselves about. And what do you suppose was in it? VITACAT!!!
Oh it was some dressed up, posh and poncy Vitacat in pate but Vitacat all the same and in my book you just can't pull the wool over my gorgeous eyes. I sulked, oh yes I did, and as a result there are now several sachets of IAMs in the cupboard. It seems agreeable and I'll tolerate it for now until my palate dictates otherwise, but they'd seriously better watch their step from now on. Who do they think they are dealing with here?
Then, one day (I believe it was a Sunday) some people arrived and after much simpering and mauling on their behalf my brother and decided that they should be allowed to take us from that place. To be fair to them, they did and here I am now on my own boat. But, can you imagine my horror when on the journey to Dowley Gap they stopped off at Aldi. ALDI! Of All places! Not Marks and Sparks but Aldi for crying out loud. I let it go at the time as I was in a rather cramped position in a basket (oh the humiliation). The man went into the shop whilst the woman - Ange remained in the car to simper some more at us. When we finally arrived at my boat I was incensed to notice that he had purchased a brand of cat food known as Vitacat. Vita-bloody-cat! I ask you. Again, to keep the peace, I let it go and gradually, over time, they learned to correctly provide us with Whiskas.
That all sounds well and good doesn't it but I'm a discerning cat with a sophisticated palate and well, (I'll just cut to the chase here), I'm bored of Bite 'n' Chew now and have registered this in the strongest possible manner. So I was quite excited when they returned from a foraging expedition on Friday with a new and shiny looking container with which they looked rather pleased with themselves about. And what do you suppose was in it? VITACAT!!!
Oh it was some dressed up, posh and poncy Vitacat in pate but Vitacat all the same and in my book you just can't pull the wool over my gorgeous eyes. I sulked, oh yes I did, and as a result there are now several sachets of IAMs in the cupboard. It seems agreeable and I'll tolerate it for now until my palate dictates otherwise, but they'd seriously better watch their step from now on. Who do they think they are dealing with here?
Saturday, 29 June 2013
Gifts
Being such a generous and benevolent cat means that from time to time I bestow gifts upon the humans. They seemed so tired last night so I thought that I would go out whilst they were asleep, catch me a mouse and present it to them at half past five in the morning.
It took a while to find one and if I'm going to be honest it was a poor specimen at best but it's the thought that counts. I did get a bit side tracked at times but then when you're queen of all you survey that's understandable. But I did catch one and hastened back to my boat with my tail in the air to give it to them.
I put on my very best "I've caught something" meow to wake them up, as it was clearly a suitable hour for humans to arise, and was a little disappointed that only the male of the species heard me. He did get up however. The female I'm not so sure about as I don't see how she could have failed to have heard me. I'll let it go this time but in future she'd better jump to it!
Anyway, the man got up, took one look at my mouse, said something unintelligible in his gruff morning voice, picked up my gift and then, and this really got my goat, threw it into the canal. Idiot! No idea what to do with a dead mouse. Honestly, there are times when I just don't know how I put up with the pair of them. Like I said, on this occasion I will let it go because yesterday they bought me some new cat food to try. I'll give it a whirl but if I don't like it then mark my words they'll know about it. In the meantime I'll have to work how to get them to appreciate my little presents properly.
It took a while to find one and if I'm going to be honest it was a poor specimen at best but it's the thought that counts. I did get a bit side tracked at times but then when you're queen of all you survey that's understandable. But I did catch one and hastened back to my boat with my tail in the air to give it to them.
I put on my very best "I've caught something" meow to wake them up, as it was clearly a suitable hour for humans to arise, and was a little disappointed that only the male of the species heard me. He did get up however. The female I'm not so sure about as I don't see how she could have failed to have heard me. I'll let it go this time but in future she'd better jump to it!
Anyway, the man got up, took one look at my mouse, said something unintelligible in his gruff morning voice, picked up my gift and then, and this really got my goat, threw it into the canal. Idiot! No idea what to do with a dead mouse. Honestly, there are times when I just don't know how I put up with the pair of them. Like I said, on this occasion I will let it go because yesterday they bought me some new cat food to try. I'll give it a whirl but if I don't like it then mark my words they'll know about it. In the meantime I'll have to work how to get them to appreciate my little presents properly.
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