I thought he was just going to make a fuss of me. You know, all the petting and coochie cooing that is constantly going on around here. But he had an ulterior motive. The lummox had a plan up his sleeve and that plan was to Shanghai me onto the boat so that they could all go for another jolly up the canal. Instead of being molly-coddled I was carried onto my boat and before you could say "meow" the git had started the engine and we were off!
Oh they thought it was all so amusing. There was the lummox of course and also that Scouse hippie and an Irish lady called Ruth who I'd only just met but she seemed ok. Ange wasn't there and lucky for her or my wrath would have been complete. As it stands she remains in my favour.
So, miffed isn't the word, let me tell you. One moment you're on the mooring breathing threats to Snowy and the next you're half way up Dowley Gap Locks. Six days! Six bloody days we were out. Six days away from my mooring. We stayed at a place called Kildwick the first night, where Ange joined us, which was a nice enough place and whilst there I 'kild' a mouse (see what I did there) and left it in the kitchen for them to find. Hah!
We then went to Skipton. Been before so Yawnsville for me but they all seemed genuinely excited to be there so bully for them. On the way home we stayed at Booth's Swing Bridge which is nice enough but whilst there I was affronted at the Scouse hippie's suggestion that I was frightened by a hooting owl. I wasn't at all. It's just that I wanted to come inside really quickly at the exact time the owl hooted and it was pure coincidence. So shove it where the sun don't shine hippie! And remember who's got the claws around here or rue the day my Merseyside friend. Honestly, he comes here and then makes fun of I, Pixie Poo Poo. I don't know how I stand for it. It's bad enough having to listen to him blowing off every five minutes during the night and turning the air into a poisonous, unbreathable miasma with his over-productive abdomen, but then to suggest that I was spooked by a mere owl... why, the sheer naked audacity of the man.
We're back home now but there's talk of going out for three weeks starting next week. I'll sulk. By Jove I will. I'll sulk like I've never sulked before and this time they'd better be more careful about how they get me onto my boat. You have been warned people
P x
